Only a couple more questions to go.
Nearly there.
Not long now before the Taoiseach could escape the drudgery of unappreciative Opposition leaders and the petty bleatings of random TDs.
Today he gathers with his fellow European leaders in a magnificent castle in Flanders, Belgium, for an “informal retreat”.
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That’s more like it.
Micheál’s mind must have been racing on Wednesday as he tried not to lose his rag with Sinn Féin’s Mary Lou McDonald and Holly Cairns of the Social Democrats over their outraged responses to his Government’s Residential Tenancies Bill.
The informal retreat was the idea of European Council president António Costa. He wants to bring fellow European Union leaders together for “a frank, open and free discussion”, about the bloc’s competitiveness, without the formalities of a European summit and pressure of producing formal conclusions.
Will there also be yoga and mindfulness sessions at this retreat? Nature walks or even a zip wire in the delightful grounds of Alden Biesen Castle, a 16th-century moated pile in the Limburg region?
As the Dáil trundled from Leaders’ Questions to the ask-me-anything questions on policy or legislation, the Taoiseach must have been wondering to himself: Should I wear the navy suit or should I go for the more informal, sports casual look, like?
Anyway. Nearly there now.
Sinn Féin’s Thomas Gould, from across the Lee in Cork North Central, and Green Party leader Roderic O’Gorman were the last two.
Thomas likes nothing better than to test Micheál’s allegiance to their beloved county.
“Taoiseach, you’re a Corkman like myself, you know the area of the Glen well,” he began. Therefore he would know that the residents there don’t want a new prison in their area and don’t want the existing old gaol, where 1916 hero Thomas Kent was executed, pressed into service as another one.
“So, Taoiseach,” he cried in his eternal battle with southsider Micheál, “you won’t give the northside a hospital. You won’t give the northside a ring-road. You won’t give the northside an A&E for children. You won’t give the northside clean water. You won’t give the northside a regional park.
“But you give the northside a second prison. Build it somewhere else.”
Micheál went through a list of Government investments on Cork’s northside, punctuated by loud objections from a sceptical Gould.
The Ceann Comhairle called time.
Thomas was raging. But what about the prisons?
“You kept interrupting me. I couldn’t get a word in,” the Taoiseach retorted in high-pitched Cork umbrage.
Why is he listening to this when there is an informal retreat in the offing with his fellow prime ministers in a proper castle?
Lederhosen. Do they wear lederhosen in Flanders on informal retreats?
Nearly there.
Now the leader of the Greens wants to talk to the leader of the nation (about to embark on a country retreat with Europe’s prime ministers and special guest Mario Draghi) about buses.
Sorry. Bus stops.
Ye gods.
And there’s Micheál dreaming of team-building exercises and pottery workshops and maybe going over an assault course with Emmanuel Macron before some deep-breathing exercises in the hot tub with Viktor Orbán.
Roderic told the Taoiseach that 37 new bus shelters were built across Dublin city in 2024. In 2023, the figure was 30 and even in 2022 – post Covid – 23 were erected.
But here’s the thing.
“Last year, three new bus shelters were built across Dublin,” Roderic declared, astounded.
“You can kind of understand why people are quite sceptical of the housing targets with figures like that.”
Could the Taoiseach ask his Transport Minister why “the Government’s ability to deliver new bus shelters has collapsed in the last year?”
Micheál said he would, although bus shelters were more a matter for “the statutory agencies”.
They needed money, Roderic interrupted.
This was too much for a world leader about to go on an informal retreat in Flanders with fellow political giants.
There’s even a church in the grounds of the castle.
Micheál is wondering if there might be time for a quick Mass between the journalling workshop and the Tai Chi yet Rodders is banging on about flippin’ bus stops.
“But there is no shortage of money in the bloody system. C’mon! And like, Dáil Éireann shouldn’t have to discuss the provision of bus shelters.”
He finally escaped to join the continental big wigs on Tuesday evening.
Speaking in advance of the informal retreat, he said: “I look forward to joining my fellow EU leaders for very important discussions on how we strengthen European competitiveness.”
Along with the dodgeball session and singing class.
He should definitely perform An Poc ar Buile.
